


how do you say goodbye (to an old friend)

by emmmabear



Category: Lost
Genre: Character Death, Character Study, F/M, Gen, Grief/Mourning, This is sad guys
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-31
Updated: 2020-01-31
Packaged: 2021-02-25 16:02:11
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,077
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22498765
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/emmmabear/pseuds/emmmabear
Summary: Desmond wonders why love feels so much like hate. Hurley wishes he would stop losing friends. Claire has her wedding.Or; Charlie Pace, and the people he left behind.
Relationships: Charlie Pace & Hugo Reyes, Claire Littleton/Charlie Pace, Desmond Hume & Charlie Pace
Comments: 5
Kudos: 15





	how do you say goodbye (to an old friend)

_i.the prophet_

Desmond hates him. He _hates_ him.

Actually, the real problem is that he doesn't hate him, not even a little bit, which is infuriating, because he thinks he should. _He's_ the reason Desmond lives in constant torment, always waiting for the flashes and wondering when's the next time he's going to see him die, for God's sake, and if this time he'll be able to save him, or if he's just going to drown or bleed out or break his neck or get struck by lightning or fall victim to some other horrible, tragic, completely preventable way. But he never stops smiling when he sees that stupid mop of blond hair for the first time, He never stops laughing at his stupid jokes, stiffening when the Charlie bumps his shoulder against his and then relaxing at the goofy grin on the other man's face. Desmond never stops feeling this vast emptiness somewhere in his chest when he's gone. 

Claire finds out. She always does. He doesn't know if it is better before or after when he tells her. Sometimes she is holding Aaron when he confesses, and each time he is so scared that she will drop him. She never does though. She is stronger than most people will give her credit for. Except for Charlie, perhaps. Charlie always knew how strong she was. And when he sees her walk up to him at the end of the day, it is with her head held high, unflinching, and tell Charlie in that loving clear voice Penny used to use that _she's not giving up on him_ , and _she never will_ . Sometimes they kiss, other times she simply takes his hand, but it is the hug they gave each other on the occasion that breaks his heart the most. a hug that says _I've got you, I'm sorry, stay with me, I won't leave you_ , and all the other things he should have said to Penn when he had the chance.

Hurley is close to Charlie, too, and Desmond knows this before they are even properly introduced because he has seen him cry for his friend a thousand times. But they always leave shore without him, because life always moves at sonic speed on that day and Hugo is thinking of Charlie and worried but his head is also filled with thoughts of Libby and her grave and if they are going to bury anyone else today. 

Sometimes they bury an empty coffin, other times they don't. Jack and Sawyer will always have that horrible kicked puppy face when they find out, and Kate and Jin and Sun and everyone may cry, but most times they will simply keep moving. 

Claire will always cry. Desmond always wants to comfort her, and sometimes he does, but most of the time he doesn't. 

They miss him, he knows. They miss his humor, and his guitar, and the way he looked out for people. How he would practically run to get a blanket if Claire said she was cold, how he was always willing to go out into the jungle for whatever mission or plan was going out. How he would see Desmond looking at the ocean, and come over, hand him a beer, maybe pat his shoulder and tell a stupid joke, and call him brother in that slightly mocking tone and how he would always feel a little better.

But Charlie will never stop dying and Desmond will never stop blaming himself, and he will never stop turning the key. 

_I'm sorry, Penny._

_I'm sorry, Charlie_

( He tries to pray. It never does him any good. But then, he wasn't really expecting anything. Most sane people don't ) 

_ii. the cursed_

Hurley has a new friend, and it's not someone who's trying to go kill a monster in the jungle or is just buttering him up so he can take his money and get in on the whole millionaire life, which for the record, sucks. Like, almost as much as crashing on a deserted island. 

Anyways, Hurley has a new friend, and of all people, it's the _freakin bass player from freakin Drive Shaft_. Drive. Shaft. Which was totally one of those bands that super lame but you can't turn the radio off because your already signing all the words and ok, maybe it doesn't suck that much. 

His name is Charlie, which is the most British sounding name Hurley has ever heard. He's also head over heels for the pregnant chick Claire, and she's pretty cool. She has pretty hair and a cool Australian accent, but he's not really into her. You know, the baby and everything. He's wingman again, but this time it's cool. Charlie's cool. 

Even if he didn't believe Hurley's curse, but honestly, he probably wouldn't believe himself either. 

But he hangs with him, in that normal way guys their age do. 'Male Bonding', Charlie calls it. Hurley's glad to have a friend, and do normal things on this stupid magical island. 

And when Aaron's born, he thinks maybe he could be, like maybe an uncle or something. That'd be neat. 

Then Libby came. And it was _great_. 

And then she was gone. 

And it’s all because _he forgot the blankets god Libby in so sorry I miss you forgive me I loved you._

He talks to her all the time. Sometimes she talks back. Mostly he sits in silence. 

But Charlie always finds him. He sits down next to him on that log in front of her grave and puts a hand on his shoulder. He talks about his mom's death, occasionally. Or some cute new thing Aaron learned. But mostly they sit in silence, and Hurley lets himself cry. Charlie rubs his shoulder. Later, when Desmond comes along, they talk (drink) with him. 

He has friends. Even Sawyer and he have been getting along. He doesn't have a Libby, but he'll get by.

Life has a funny way yanking the rug from under you, though. 

He won't get by this time. Not really. He'll always be haunted by him. 

At least Libby has a grave. At least she has that. 

_iii. the mother_

They dance to "How Sweet It Is ( To Be Loved By You)" at their wedding.

It is not a grand affair. The proposal was not grand either, there was no bended knee and no fireworks. it had occurred on a sun-drenched day in the suburbs outside of Sydney.

Domesticity was never her strong suit, as a kid she had always felt bad for her single mom, raising her out in the thick of the suffocating suburban lifestyle. And yet here she was, falling into an easy routine with a man she had met on a magical death island what seemed years ago. They were lying curled into each other on a hammock, a rosy-cheeked, blond-haired child playing with the sprinklers near them. She was laughing at some stupid joke he had made, and then suddenly he had turned his face to her, his eyes bright, and said in that quiet, excited voice he always used when he was about to ask something serious. Trepidation and hope laced his voice like whatever he was about to say were a matter of life and death.

He had said, "Marry me?"

( There are some universes in which he does not ask, he never gets the chance, but there is no universe in which she would not say yes. )

The wedding is small, with only the little family they have left and some friends. When she was younger, she had dreamt of a huge wedding, white flowers strung from picturesque trees and rows and rows of smiling people as she glides down the petal laced aisle in her fluffy white gown. Her father, who in this dream never abandoned her, escorts her, smiling proudly, and her mother cries in the front row. An adorable little girl, perhaps a niece or a friend's daughter, skips down the aisle merrily. The man waiting at the end is everything she ever wanted, the prince in shining armor her story always lacked, and he is looking at her like she is the sun like she encompasses everything like she is the best thing that could ever happen to him.

At Claire Littleton's wedding, there are no flower strung trees. There are only a few rows of people, though they are smiling. The aisle she walks down is short, and the man escorting her is not her father. Her mother does not weep in the front row, but a woman about her mother's age does cry for her. Her son is the child that adorably toddles down in front of her, strewing pink flowers on the grass.

It is not at all what she had pictured, except, of course, for the groom.

Charlie Pace, breathing, smiling, fully and completely alive Charlie stands at the end of the aisle, and the way he looks at her makes her heart swell and race and calm all at the same time. He is no knight in shining armor, but she doesn't care at all. He looks at her like she is the sun, and the stars, and the moon, and when Aaron finally reaches the end he scoops him up and kisses his forehead with a father's tenderness, and everything is perfect.

An old friend named Hugo Reyes pronounces them man and wife on that rainy afternoon in Manchester, and Claire wonders if she will ever be happier.

~~~~~~~~~~

Aaron interrupts their first dance at the reception. He had wriggled his way out of Auntie Sun's arms and squirmed his way in between them while his new dad was dipping his giggling mom. Charlie and Claire had laughed, and Charlie picked him up swung him around and Claire kissed her husband with her son between them.

Jack makes a speech for his sister, and Kate and Juliet fall apart with laughter when Sawyer starts to tear up. Charlie's brother is there with his family, and when he makes his speech it is funny and sweet and Claire decides she just might forgive him, at least for now.

The only time they stop holding hands is when Hurley and Desmond ( who are joint best men with Charlie's brother and arrived with Libby and Penelope, respectively, much to Claire's delight ) convince Charlie to sing.

He protests with all his might when they drag him up on the stage, but everyone is whooping and clapping for the groom and they've all had a couple of drinks by now and Charlie is nothing if not a performer. He sings " When I'm Sixty Four" on the piano Sayid and Shannon got them as a wedding present, and it's a little bit terrible and a little bit wonderful and she's rolling her eyes at the sappy bits and okay, maybe tearing up a little bit when he meets her eyes, but really, it's quite silly. It's only when he finishes and everyone is cheering and Aaron claps his chubby toddler hands and squeals out "Yay daddy!'" that she truly starts to cry. It's the best sort of cry, though, the laughing, smiling kind that just exudes happiness. Rose rubs her back in a motherly sort of way, and Locke hands her a tissue.

The wedding is perfectly imperfect, and Claire will be happy for the rest of her life. A life full of messy, wonderful, blond-haired children and a father who sings them Beatles lullabies every night. A life of chaos and peace, of peanut butter and jelly sandwiches and trips to England and careers that work and careers that don't and friends that are alive and call her up every day and stolen kisses when the kids aren't looking. A life completely normal and yet wonderfully unique. Claire's life. A life that she loves.

And then the dream ends and she is not in Manchester, she is in the middle of the goddamned Pacific. 

And Charlie, the addict, the musician, the martyr, the love of her life, is gone, and he is never coming back, and Aaron, her baby, her precious child who never needed a father but lost one before he was born, and gained and lost another two months later, is so far from her. 

Claire is alone, and she is so goddamned sick of crying.

She will be alone for a very, very long time.

And she knows she won't ever stop crying. 

  
  
  
  


**Author's Note:**

> i wrote this like four years ago at a time in my life in which apparently all i could write is grief....inch resting...  
> anyways anyone else get horribly sad about charlie pace from that hit tv show that ended like ten years ago? hit me up


End file.
